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Granola and Fruit Loops: the breakfast of breakfast buffet champions.

Granola and Fruit Loops: the breakfast of breakfast buffet champions.

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Posting inspirational messages with a picture of yourself in a tux! Chris Meloni, I simply cannot get enough of following you on Facebook.

Posting inspirational messages with a picture of yourself in a tux! Chris Meloni, I simply cannot get enough of following you on Facebook.

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Might Need A New Mechanic

Car Service Guy: So, you’ll need to come in again in 10,000 miles. The car will alert you. 

Me: The car will just tell me when I need to change my oil? 

Car Service Guy: Yes, ma’am. Right on the dashboard. 

Me: Wish my tampon had that feature! 

Car Service Guy: …

Me: It was a joke. I don’t wish my tampon had a dashboard. I remember to change it. Most of the time. I’ve never died of toxic shock. Well, I guess that’s obvious. 

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Last week when I was in New York, I saw a man on the subway who was magically standing upright without holding onto anything. He had amazing stubble, was reading a library copy of a Zadie Smith book, and looked like he knew how to camp. I thought to myself, “That could be my soul mate.”

I glanced around and wondered, “Is anyone thinking that about me? Am I someone else’s subway soul mate?” I quickly finger brushed my hair and sat up straighter. 

Then I realized that I was a woman on the subway with three huge bags, each one hitting at least two people every time the subway jerked. I was wearing sweaty work out clothes, wolfing down an egg sandwich in public, and looked like I was in the beginning phases of training my hair not to need shampoo. Probably not someone’s subway soul mate. 

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