Not to brag, but I was at Zumba today and while we were doing this chest popping move, the teacher looked over and was like, “Yeah, that girl knows what I’m talking about,” and honestly, I have never even thought I was that good at chest popping, but in my head I was like, “This is my thing. Chest popping is my thing. I FINALLY HAVE A THING! I’m going to be a professional chest popper. They always say do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. Julie Kraut: Professional Chest Popper. Nice ring to it. Not working, here I come!” and then the teacher went over and started dancing with the girl next to me, who he was actually directing that chest popping compliment at. So, whatever. Bottom line: If you’re looking to hire a professional chest popper, I could still be interested so get in touch, I’m just not going to update my LinkedIn headline right away.
Look, I’m trying to be less judgmental in 2014. And I can’t help but wonder, is anyone on the internet considering me and my goals before they do anything ever? 30-something-year-old women in my Facebook feed who start outfit-of-the-day blogs, I’m looking at you.