December 2009
25 posts
Did anyone else think the Empire State of Mind chorus went like this, “I think I’m growing green tomatoes. There’s nothing you can’t do.” ME TOO! Turns out we’re wrong. The line is actually, “Concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There’s nothing you can’t do.” While this obviously makes more sense, it’s not like my version...
How I Fill My Day...
downsizing:
Who are some of your favorite tumblrs? Weightloss blogs and others. I’m looking for a few new folks to follow.
Excellent question, formspring! The thing is, I started my “life” blog almost 2 years ago. I had been wanting to start a blog for my friends and family back home (Arkansas/Louisiana), and my coworker Genna told me about Tumblr. So for the first year and a half, I did not...
I don’t want to say that I’m definitely a psychic, but I bought a white sweater last week and now I’m having visions of spending a good part of my winter running to sinks to dab out soy sauce, BBQ sauce, and other condiment splatter.
Let me know if you have any questions about your future. I’ll do what I can do use my psychic abilities to help as many people as possible.
Hint as to what my New Year’s resolution should be...
…I opened an invitation to a New Year’s Eve party and my first thought was, “Well, this looks like something I’d have to shower for. Ugh.”
Adding guests to your “no” response on an e-vite is a real jerkface move, you guys.
You guys, how hard is it to answer “Can I help you with anything further?” politely when the customer service person didn’t help you with your first issue to begin with? Recently, I’ve been responding with “No. Just knowing that you’ll be getting a lump of coal on Christmas is enough help for me! Aw, SLAM! You just got dissed.”
After many talks with...
When I was at a high school earlier this week, I got a question from the audience along the lines of “Since you’re getting older, how do you still connect with young people?” And while I certainly wasn’t offended by the question, I was kind of surprised. Me? Old? But I’m so (insert cooler word for “hip” here)!
Today I have another high school talk (At...
You know when you’re waiting for the Metro late at night and you hear a guy peeing in the corner because it echos throughout the entire station and when he finishes up, he chooses to not sit on any of the empty benches, but on yours and so close to you that your thighs touch and then introduces himself and puts out his hand for you to shake and you respond by yelling “I’m not...
Going to read and chat it up at Richard Montgomery High School today! PUMPED!
Slice of my morning: Running through the smoker’s corner by the local high school with my glasses fogged up to the point where I could barely see muttering, “Please don’t beat me up even though I look like I deserve it, you guys.”
Sometimes when I meet a new person I don’t like, I think to myself, “I bet your Facebook profile pic is of you in a bathing suit.” I’m at a 90% accuracy rate.
When the gold toothed free sample guy hits on you,...
Great thing about winter coats: When you’re wearing one, everyone at the mall just assumes that you have a shirt and bra underneath. What a buncha fools!
Drunk girls with McFlurries on freezing December...
Alright, I’ll admit it. I logged onto MySpace for the first time in a year to listen to Ashley Dupre’s new single.
And you’re not fooling anybody with your I-didn’t-do-that-too-and-what’s-more-is-that-I-didn’t-even-know-the-Internet-was-used-for-anything-other-than-kitty-videos act.
Here's something embarrassing...
I was running yesterday wearing a shirt from the Army Ten Miler. Because DC is a running town and I guess because I was going slowly enough to not look like I was in a hurry, a woman running toward me stopped to ask about the shirt and when I ran the race. After a few minutes of runner’s chatter, she reached into her fanny pack and pulled out a cell phone. ”I’m sorry. I just...
Had a dream about a romantic comedy starring Danielle from Real Housewives of New Jersey and Richard Belzer.
I gotta feeling that today’s gonna be a good, good day.
With holiday season officially upon us, all I can think is “Please don’t ever let me grow up to be a lady who signs her holiday newsletter from her pets.”
Season’s Greetings!
