January 2010
19 posts
Hey there, Facebook friend. I understand that you’re going through some tough emotional times, but I don’t really care about your dog’s cancer treatment. And the 12 status updates regarding his (her, maybe? I don’t know what Cinnamon is.) health you post daily are starting to get so annoying that I’ve found myself wishing your dog harm just to stop it all. They’re clogging my homepage and...
When I first got a cell phone in 11th grade, I refused to use the phone’s address book based on the logic of why program in numbers when I know everyone’s number I’d ever call by heart? Such a perfect example of sweet suburban innocence mixed with my teen belief that everyone, even the inventors of cell phones, was a total idiot compared to me.
That was many years and about five cell...
I write this blog for a lot of reasons. One of the many is to be approachable to readers of my books. And I LOVE getting e-mails from readers, writers, bloggers, and most everybody else that isn’t Bank of America over draught alert. But sometimes I get e-mails that indicate I’ve been a little too successful with Mission: Approachable. So to avoid future inbox awkwardness, I’m going to put...
Two of my favorite people: We’re engaged! Me: Ah! I’m so happy for you guys. Really, this is overwhelming. Oh my god, I just started crying tears of joy. I can’t stop. Seriously. Can. Not. Stop. Snot now too. But don’t worry, I’m not wearing make up so this doesn’t ruin anything important.
Because all of your major life events are really about me. Don’t forget it, friends.
Sometimes do you leave the house with no make up because you’re just going to be a minute and not even get out of the car and then it turns into four hours of errand running and you feel personally responsible for every baby you see crying because it’s probably your see through under-eye circles that are scaring them?
No reason, just asking.
Today I was working out next to a rather attractive gentleman. Instead of trying to put the moves on him, (although I’m not really sure what that would have entailed…probably attempting to impress him by reciting my 9s times table as fast as possible) all I could think was how does anyone meet anybody in a romantical way at the gym? The gym highlights some of my worst qualities and puts me in no...
Conversation with a 9-year-old
Me: And I guess I watched a lot of videos. 9 year old: What does that mean? Me: What does what mean? 9 year old: Videos. What does videos mean? Me: Seriously? 9 year old: I’m 9 and don’t get irony or sarcasm, so yeah, seriously. (He didn’t actually say that, but it was something close.) Me: It’s like a DVD from the olden-times.
…And now I feel like I grew up in...
The stomach bug is officially over and after multiple weigh ins, my final weight-loss for the past four days is seven pounds. Pretty good, right? The means that my New Year’s resolution is totally taken care of!
I can’t decide if this means I should make up some sort of bigger and more involved resolution that maybe pertains to helping others or if I should just put a fat check mark...
Yesterday I was DESTROYED by a stomach bug. I’ve always joked that I’m just a round of food poisoning away from my goal weight and when the tummy grumblings started, I can’t lie, I was kind of thinking about that. Six hours and about 47 trips to the bathroom later, all I was thinking about was a chemically induced coma to end the pain. It reminded me of how I was so jealous of...
Whenever I get stuck on public transportation during rush hour, it takes every ounce of self-control I have not to shout, “You guys, I deserve a seat because I don’t really belong here. I pay for my own health insurance and work from home and this is just a fluke, so cut me some slack, ok? Ugh, did someone really just fart? You’re trapped in an air tight capsule with 100 other strangers...
People who leave the date and time of their phone messages, do you know that voice mail already does that for you? Do you start your e-mails with “It’s a little after 10am on Monday the 4th” too?
As icked out as I’ve been about getting older recently, I will say that I can’t wait until I’m old enough for the music I grew up with to have its own oldies station. I have been LAH-OVING the decade retrospectives on the radio this weekend. I mean Country Grammar, Family Affair, Murder on the Dance Floor…who wouldn’t be loving radio this weekend? Well, let me...