February 2010
25 posts
Check out my Crushable Questionnaire with the... →
Are you ever out to drinks and even though you’re driving that night, you have one because it’s going to be a long night and a beer at 7 pm isn’t going to affect your driving at 11 pm and then you’re inexplicably really drunk from one beer and everyone decides to go home early and suddenly you’re the girl sitting in a 92 Toyota Camry for an hour eating an Italian cold cut sub, waiting to...
Wait, FarmVille costs real money to play? Holy crap, those status updates just got impossibly annoyinger.
I’m not really great at cleaning. And by “not really great,” I mean plain old lazy. If there’s a spot on something, I’ll normally spritz it with water, rub it once or twice, and if it doesn’t come out, shrug and decide that it’s a stain I’m just going to have to live with. Because of this defeatist cleaning attitude, I have a lot of unwearable...
I’ve started writing for the new site Crushable.com. My first piece is up…An interview with the hilarious Elaine Carroll of VeryMaryKate.com.
Check it out!
Wild is in the eye of the beholder
Me: Sorry I’m so tired. I was up way late last night. Big night. Her: Oh really? What did you do? Me: I was just up until like 11:15 watching weird stuff on the Internet. Her: …
There’s nothing like the panic of spending a weekend away where you eat kind of badly and stepping on the scale and have it read “ERROR.” You have a digital scale, so that means that you need to weigh more than 999.99 pounds to make it malfunction like that. You might yell out, “It was just a bag of Hint of Lime Tostitos and a few brownies…and maybe a Cadbury egg,...
Hey DC. I’ll be at SpeakeasyDC tonight. Come on out! Wednesday, February 17th, 2010, doors open at 6:30pm, show starts at 8pm. SpeakeasyDC Storytelling Town Danceboutique 2009 8th St, NW Washington, DC speakeasydc.com $10 cash at door
If a commercial involves a guy looking into the camera and saying “bottom line” or “end of story,” I’m not buying the product. No matter what. It could be chocolate covered puppies. I’m not interested.
I’ve never really been one for pick up lines, giving or receiving, but I recently came up with this one:
Boy, you so fine, when I first saw you I thought, “If I had a time machine, I’d go back to this morning and brush my hair to impress you.”
Is it the winner I think it is?
Thoughts while watching a movie set during World...
First five minutes: Ha! Kraut! They just said Kraut. Awesome.
Next five minutes: Aw, damn. They put their helmets on and now I can’t tell which character is which. Boys all look the same without hair.
Last hour and fifty minutes: Wow, not awesome. Not awesome. Not awesome. Now I’m crying. Maybe if I yell at the screen loudly enough, he’ll run from the bullets faster. Did not work. ...
Thoughts while reading a book this weekend.
The main character had just folded a pile of cookies into a paper towel and I thought, “I could never write period fiction. It just seems like every single sentence would need to be fact-checked. Like did this author have to look up that paper towels were even invented back then?”
Then I realized that the book was set in 1978, just a few years before I was born. So apparently, I...
“If you really want to know if he likes you, motorboat him when he’s least...”
– Probably why not a lot of people ask me for dating advice.
Hey DC friends!
I’ll be telling a story at SpeakeasyDC on Tuesday. I’d love to see you!
Tuesday, February 9th, 2010 RESCHEDULED FOR WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 17th 2010 Doors open at 6:30pm, show starts at 8pm. SpeakeasyDC Town Danceboutique 2009 8th St, NW Washington, DC $10 SpeakeasyDC.com
nancylicious asked: you know today is world nutella day, rite?!?!
Am I the only one who at first thought it was a TiVo pro-life Super Bowl commercial that was stirring up all of this controversy? I was all, “I’ve got Comcast DVR. Suck it, TiVo!” Then I found out it was Tim Tebow. And so now I’m like, “I don’t know who you are. Suck it, Tebow!”
I was in a library yesterday, working and eating a cream cheese, salt, and ham sandwich on french bread (trademark pending) when this maintance guy starting fixing a lightbulb by my work station. He was being pretty relentless with the creepy eye contact, but moving to another station seemed like an overreaction. How long could changing a lightbulb take? Plus, I didn’t want to interrupt...
If Gap.com were an ex-boyfriend, I might take out a restraining order on it. I haven’t purchased anything from Gap.com in over a year and yet I keep getting menacing e-mails like “Last Chance to get 25% off.” 25% off what? I’m not buying anything! It’s like getting an e-mail that reads, “This is your last chance to un-dump me. After this, I’m walking away forever.” And I’m like, it’s been...