March 2010
25 posts
Before I go to bed, occasionally I’ll try to think about what I’d like to happen in the future. It’s not prayers exactly, just positive thinking. Sometimes it’s big things, like bringing soldiers home, sometimes smaller, aspirations for my career. Recently though, I’ve found myself spending most of my pre-bed energy hoping there’s never a way for someone to figure out how many times I check...
When is this vampire phenomenon going to be over? I’m so sick of it. And it’s not because I’m sick of the vampire books, vampire movies, vampire-themed ANTM episodes, vampire tv shows for teens, vampire tv shows for grown ups, vampires actors being sex symbols even though they really look like vampires without any make up, vampire straight to DVD movies, vampire lunch boxes,...
Me: This isn’t crippling depression. I’m working from home. Postman: What? Me: You know, I answered the door in sweatpants with hair that isn’t exactly done at 4:30 pm. I just didn’t want you to worry. Postman: Oh. Me: I’m a writer. And I’d ask what you do, but the uniform’s a giveaway. You work for the postal system. At least I hope...
Yesterday, I read some stupid internet something about how q-tips are weapons of ear destruction and cleaning your ears is no longer medically advisable. This morning when I walked into the bathroom, I actually thought to myself, “Go for it, Julie. You only live once,” and then cleaned my ears while humming “Bad to the Bone.”
And that’s what I’ve come to...
When I’m writing to a friend on her work account and after sending, gmail encourages me to invite her to gmail, I get so eye-rollingly annoyed. It’s like when my parents encourage me to call up this family friend they’re trying to set me up with on a Sunday morning and invite him over for bagels. Both situations make me want to shout, “This just isn’t how it works! And...
After an entire winter of exclusively wearing jeggings, I wore real skinny jeans yesterday. My legs felt like they were choking to death all day.
I’m so over pants that are any less than 98% spandex. Down with denim! Long live the jegging!
What's the best karaoke song of all time? Let me... →
Sometimes I think about what it was like before the internet and e-mail existed and wonder how people got any work done.
And then I think about it more and realize that it’s actually more of a wonder that I have the internet and e-mail and get any work done.
I walk around listening to my ipod a lot. When you prefer the soundtrack of your life to rotate among Meat Loaf, Rick Springfield, and Miley Cyrus, it’s a BYO situation. In addition to delivering the hits of yesterday and today, having ear buds in is also a halfhearted attempt at deflecting stranger contact. You see, strangers love me. I’m not sure what exactly it is about me, but...
There are two kinds of people in this world—those who when they bend over and a piece of caramel corn from the Popcorn Factory gift bucket they got that morning falls out of their cleavage think, “Gross,” and those who think, “SNACK ATTACK!”
When online shopping, does anyone ever select the option of ordering the items priced high to low? They should just rename that option “Financially irresponsible dummy’s pick,” right?
Jumped the warm weather gun a bit and just made myself a pair of white cut off shorts. Now I guess all I need is someone to throw a BBQ and for me to sit in a squirt of ketchup and summer will have officially started!
My weekend schedule
Friday afternoon: Find a gray hair.
Friday evening: Burst into tears.
Saturday morning: Still upset.
Saturday evening: Contemplate hair dye.
Sunday morning: Contemplate mortality.
Sunday evening: Google “living will”
People who back their cars into parking spots mystify me. It seems like a lot of work for very little result. Yesterday I heard a guy in the mall parking lot say something about doing it because it’s an old military habit so he’s always prepared. Prepared for what? A mall bully attack on nerdy virgins? He could probably better prepare against that just by not driving a Yaris.
Yesterday I convinced myself that eating guacamole for both lunch and dinner was pretty much the same as being on the Master Cleanse diet. I really just substituted avocado for water and garlic for maple syrup. I feel skinnier already!
Just funded my first internet friend Kickstarter... →
