December 2011
15 posts
Sometimes I get really excited when people tell me they had a “Julie Day.”
There are few seconds that pass where I’m like, I wonder what that means. Did they have a day of really good bangs? A day where they inspired others to be better people just by being themselves? A day when they combined three different discount offers from Gap.com to get a really great value on a sweater...
"I stopped by today to use your bathroom. I almost...
—The kind of note you get when you give me your keys and ask me to check on your place while you’re away.
Finding myself reflecting on some of my favorite holiday memories. Hey, remember the time a kind of distant relative sent me special shampoo for thinning hair? In the card, he let me know that he could tell I was having issues and this had really helped him. I’m not sure how he could tell, we weren’t even Facebook friends and it had to be a mis-sent gift, but still, I wanted to die and...
Creepy guys have the worst trivia
At the First Ave. L Platform
Creepy guy: Hey, you take the train a lot?
Me: Yep.
Creepy guy: Here’s an interesting fact. Right before the train pulls up, you can feel a breeze coming. Something about the wind currents. Interesting fact, right? I read it in an article.
Me: Right. I knew that. Also, right before the train pulls up, you can see a train light coming down the tunnel.
...
Did you spend your morning going around your apartment unearthing dirty dishes that you’d hidden when unexpected visitors came over in the past few weeks? Me neither! Wow. We have so much in common. Yeah, I totally do my dishes right after I use them. All the freaking time!
"I want to give you a cut that lets you just step...
“Wait, so you’re saying that if I let you cut my hair the way you want, I have to walk out the door without getting dressed? Making my lunch? Practicing my karaoke routine to Michael Bolton’s How Can We Be Lovers? My whole morning routine would be totally effed. Just cut my hair the way I asked. You know, one of those put on clothes, try to get a Biore strip to actually work for...
Question: When am I going to stop judging the success of my weekends by how few vegetables I’ve eaten?
The answer: When I’m too old. Seriously. Never let that stop.
This weekend: 2 vegetables…and that’s only if you’re counting pickles. WIN WIN WIN!
IM Convo With New Co-Worker
Him: What are you up to?
Me: Currently, binge eating at my desk.
Me: I’m really good at it.
Me: Like, if this were my job, I’d probably be CEO.
Me: Hello?
Me: You there?
Me: I can see you sitting at your desk, looking at your computer screen, not answering me.
Me: Ok, well, I’m busy too. Obviously.
Finding myself hating the folks who slow down when they walk by the Christmas tree stands, take a deep breath, and smile super wide with holiday cheer. I’m like, people, I’m trying to get to the F train here and this isn’t the opening sequence of a holiday chick flick, you know? And even if it were, then you’d be getting dumped in the next scene. The holiday lovers always...