Get in touch: JulieKraut(at)gmail.com

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Guy in windbreaker on the street asks me if I have five minutes to spare to save the children, I walk by without making eye contact. 

Only three chunks of cookie dough in the pint of ice cream I paid $5 for, I’m ready to take down all of big business and start a revolution. 

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That thing when you’re on the uptown 1 train and you see a woman you rode the L train to Brooklyn with three hours ago and you try to make conversation about the coinkydink, but she ignores you and then a few minutes later you see her striking up a conversation with a woman in a leather fedora, telling her that she likes her acrylic nails and you’re all, “A leather fedora and acrylic nails…that’s not even a coincidence!”

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A DOUBLE N O U N C E M E N T S ANNOUNCEMENTS!

I’m back in New York for the summer and so are my bangs. Remember that good hair day I had for the six straight months I lived in LA and didn’t deal with subway humidity? Neither do my bangs. 

I’m looking for a sublet. Anyone with any info on a studio or one bedroom in Manhattan or Brooklyn, please give me a shout. (Not looking for roommate situations.) juliekraut @ gmail.com Thanks! 

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Ignore everything you learned in sex ed. The most intimate thing you can do with another person is listen to Angle From Montgomery together. 

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Not to brag, but I was at Zumba today and while we were doing this chest popping move, the teacher looked over and was like, “Yeah, that girl knows what I’m talking about,” and honestly, I have never even thought I was that good at chest popping, but in my head I was like, “This is my thing. Chest popping is my thing. I FINALLY HAVE A THING! I’m going to be a professional chest popper. They always say do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. Julie Kraut: Professional Chest Popper. Nice ring to it. Not working, here I come!” and then the teacher went over and started dancing with the girl next to me, who he was actually directing that chest popping compliment at. So, whatever. Bottom line: If you’re looking to hire a professional chest popper, I could still be interested so get in touch, I’m just not going to update my LinkedIn headline right away. 

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