Neighborly Conversations

As I’m opening my door to go into my apartment, my hot neighbor who lives somewhere upstairs walks by. 

Hot neighbor guy: Whoa! Loud door! 

Me: I like it that way. It makes it harder for rapists to sneak in. 

Hot neighbor guy: …

Me: Welp, have a good day. I’ll be in here, not getting raped. Hopefully! 

Hot neighbor guy: …

Hey Internet Friends. 

Need your help. I’m going to a concert at Jones Beach this summer and some friends* from out of town are coming**. Should I tell them to fly into Islip and just meet me there and make a night out of staying out on Long Island? Or should they come into the city and we all commute out there together? What I’m asking is, is there a best way to do Jones Beach and can you just tell me about it so I don’t have to do all the work of looking on the internet. 

Thanks. 

Julie

*-by “some friends” I mean “my parents”
**-by “are coming” I mean “I had to buy their tickets so someone would come see Pitbull*** with me”
***-kidding about Pitbull****
****-or am I?*****
*****-I am

Hey, Facebook friends I hate follow, quick question. Who takes all of those pictures of you guys and your significant others kissing? Like, do you make strangers in Central Park take pictures of you when you’re touching tongues? Do you befriend other couples who also post make out pics and pass a camera back and forth? Do you set up a timer? I’m seriously wondering.