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Got this twice my head sized jar of cashews around the same time I got this dish soap. The cashews are all gone and there’s so much soap left. I’m thinking I need to pump the brakes on my cashew habit or start washing dishes more. Or probably both.
Quality of life, you’re about to take a dip.
Ran out of toothpaste and undereye concealer this morning. Using gum to substitute for both.
File under: Great decisions, Never gonna grow up, Should I stop tumbling and start tweeting, Seriously I’m kidding…mostly
Dear potential identity theives,
I’m not as into The Popcorn Factory’s spring catalog as my garbage may lead you to believe. Much more into Edible Arrangements.
Just trying to help a brother from another mother out. (That’s how non-violent criminals talk to each other, right?)
JK
Seriously, why don’t I have my own love advice show? Check it out. I give amazingly solid relationship tips that have very high success rates.
I lead by example, too. So there could be a lot of great scenes of my most effective dating moves and moments, which would of course all take place via Facebook. Mostly poking, but occasionally tagging myself in other couples’ pictures. It’s a great way to start conversations. Ok, enough giving this stuff away for free!
Interested agents and producers, please poke me to get in touch!
