I went on a hike by myself this weekend to get some thinking done.  I did think about some real stuff, but also came to this less-important epiphany: It is impossible for a man to be sexually attractive while wearing hiking sandals.

I’d see a shirtless guy coming toward me, confidently trotting across a part of the path I knew I was only going to get through by butt-scootching, covered with that perfectly thin misty layer of sweat that doesn’t make him smell bad, just manly, and I’d smile at him and think to myself, “Mmmm…if I had that boy alone, I’d…”

Then I’d glance down and notice the hiking sandals he was wearing.

“…um, I’d binge eat in front of him, whine about being single, and ask him for advice on boys that even on their best days treat me worse than he ever would, if I’d just give him a chance.”