As anyone I’ve every been interested in will tell you, I’m not exactly smooth.  My signature move is getting drunk off of one beer and referencing every single thing I learned about my gentleman target on Google.  But this guy that approached me in Dick’s Sporting Goods made me look like a serious player (playah?) in comparison.

Guy trying to be flirty in Dick’s Sporting Goods:  Man, I’m glad I’m not a woman.  Sports bras…man…I just don’t get them.
Me (I am not in the sports bras section for the record):  Oh.  
Guy trying to be flirty in Dick’s Sporting Goods:  I am certainly not jealous about what you’ve got up there.  It gets in the way of everything, huh?
Me:  I don’t know.
Guy trying to be flirty in Dick’s Sporting Goods:  I mean, I covet what you have, (gesture to my chesticle region) but I don’t at the same time.  You know what I mean?  
Me:  No, I don’t know.  But I found what I was looking for (I pick up the nearest thing, which happens to be a pair of XXL tapered leg spandex pants) so, I guess I’m going to leave right now.

Total yuckfest, right?

Also, please get in touch if you’re interested in purchasing a pair of XXL tapered leg spandex off of me.