If Gap.com were an ex-boyfriend, I might take out a restraining order on it.  I haven’t purchased anything from Gap.com in over a year and yet I keep getting menacing e-mails like “Last Chance to get 25% off.”  25% off what?  I’m not buying anything!  It’s like getting an e-mail that reads, “This is your last chance to un-dump me.  After this, I’m walking away forever.”  And I’m like, it’s been six months and was only three dates to begin with, Gap.com.  Ultimatums seem misguided.

But, like an annoying ex I maintain minimal contact with just in case I need an emergency date to a wedding, I can’t bring myself to unsubscribe from Gap’s mailing list.  What if one day I do want a basic cotton t-shirt that no matter the size clings to my love handles and showcases any and all pit sweat?  I’ll want it at 25% off, I’m sure.