My ankle has been bothering me since Monday.  It’s this weird pain that comes and goes.  When it’s around, I can’t really walk.  Yesterday it hurt so bad that I decided to not take a three o’clock brownie break because getting to the kitchen sounded too painful.  When something gets in the way of brownie eating, that’s serious!  So, I’m thinking maybe it’s time to go see a doctor.  I don’t really have a regular physician, so I’ve been making some calls.  Here’s a rough transcript of the voicemails I’ve been leaving this morning.  

“Hi.  I’d like to make an appointment with the doctor sometime soon.  Like maybe today but I have a facial at five, so we’ll have to work around that.  Before I confirm my appointment, I’d like to know if he’s the kind of doctor who will respond to ‘My ankle hurts when I go like this’ with a joke along the lines of ‘Well, then don’t go like that!’  If so, then I’m not interested.  And my insurance is really crappy because I’m a freelancer, which leads to a two part question.  Does this place take crappy insurance and will you give out a lot of free samples of whatever you prescribe me?  Moving on, what’s your candy bowl situation?  And finally, do you have the latest issue of In Touch in your lobby?  I want to learn more about the Kardashian weight wars, but I draw a line at actually purchasing In Touch.  Please get back to me ASAP.”