var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www."); document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E")); try { var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-6928023-1"); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {} Get in touch: JulieKraut(at)gmail.comTumblr (3.0; @juliekraut)http://www.juliekraut.com/<p>When online shopping, does anyone ever select the option of ordering the items priced high to low?  They should just rename that option “Financially irresponsible dummy’s pick,” right?</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/439253000http://www.juliekraut.com/post/439253000Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:04:31 -0500<p>Jumped the warm weather gun a bit and just made myself a pair of white cut off shorts.  Now I guess all I need is someone to throw a BBQ and for me to sit in a squirt of ketchup and summer will have officially started!</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/437011495http://www.juliekraut.com/post/437011495Tue, 09 Mar 2010 11:04:07 -0500<p>Friday afternoon: Find a gray hair.</p> <p>Friday evening: Burst into tears.</p> <p>Saturday morning: Still upset.</p> <p>Saturday evening: Contemplate hair dye.</p> <p>Sunday morning: Contemplate mortality.</p> <p>Sunday evening: Google “living will”</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/434646846http://www.juliekraut.com/post/434646846Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:36:26 -0500<p>People who back their cars into parking spots mystify me.  It seems like a lot of work for very little result.  Yesterday I heard a guy in the mall parking lot say something about doing it because it’s an old military habit so he’s always prepared.  Prepared for what?  A mall bully attack on nerdy virgins?  He could probably better prepare against that just by not driving a Yaris.</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/428240616http://www.juliekraut.com/post/428240616Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:16:33 -0500<embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.juliekraut.com/swf/audio_player.swf?audio_file=http://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/426185911/tumblr_kyrdrpzxFd1qzrn5w&color=FFFFFF" height="27" width="207" quality="best"></embed><br/><br/><p>Ever listen to Peter Gabriel while you’re on public transportation and get way too in the mood to fall in love and eye flirt super hard with a guy who once he leaves, you notice has peed on the seat but you decide that love doesn’t know labels like “severely mentally ill,” “homeless,” or “uninterested,” and continue to plan your life together until your ipod switches to Fiona Apple and then you want an imaginary divorce?</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/426185911http://www.juliekraut.com/post/426185911Thu, 04 Mar 2010 08:07:01 -0500<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kypiijkGFC1qzrn5wo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Sometimes I hate my past self.  Like, when I decide not to pack for a trip and just wake up early to do it, morning Julie hates last night Julie.  Or when I eat all of the chunks out of a tub of ice cream, plain vanilla eating Julie hates Heath bar crunch eating Julie.  But, I was just thinking that I love Sunday Julie because she baked a loaf of chocolate chip banana bread (<a href="http://www.thedailyjulie.com/post/411203545" target="_blank">recipe from another Julie I like</a>) that I’ve been eating all week.  And maybe chocolate chip banana bread baking Julie has made up of all of the inconsiderate things past Julies have done.</p> <p>But then this morning, gym Julie really hated banana bread baking Julie and I realized, she’s just as jerky as the rest of them.</p> <p>(An absurd amount of banana bread was harmed in the making of this photograph.)</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/424099981http://www.juliekraut.com/post/424099981Wed, 03 Mar 2010 07:54:00 -0500<p>Yesterday I convinced myself that eating guacamole for both lunch and dinner was pretty much the same as being on the Master Cleanse diet.  I really just substituted avocado for water and garlic for maple syrup.  I feel skinnier already!</p> <!--EndFragment-->http://www.juliekraut.com/post/421979059http://www.juliekraut.com/post/421979059Tue, 02 Mar 2010 08:05:14 -0500<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1096282102/josh-jennings-for-congress-tv-pilot?ref=email">Just funded my first internet friend Kickstarter project. Isn't that so hip? Hip enough to cancel out the lameness of going to bed at 9:58 every night, right? </a>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/421974138http://www.juliekraut.com/post/421974138Tue, 02 Mar 2010 08:01:06 -0500<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kyltjowZ951qzrn5wo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I just finished Push by Sapphire.  I wanted to read it before I saw Precious because I always think reading the book before seeing the movie is a good idea.  And normally it is.  But after reading the book (which was many levels of intriguing and some of the most interesting writing I’ve read, but disturbing in ways that will stick with me forever), I don’t think I can watch the movie.  You see, I’ve kind of fallen in love with Gabby Sidibe from all of the interviews and media she’s done for Precious.  Her giggle is unbelievably adorable and she had the perfect plucky, real persona I fancy myself having if I ever got nominated for an Oscar.  I actually fantasize about us being friends somewhat regularly.  And I really don’t think I can watch my imaginary best friend go through the kind of abuse her character does.</p> <p>So, I think I’m just going to wait for her to get cast in something a little less raw before I check her out on the big screen.  I’m thinking of starting a Facebook group petitioning to have her cast in the new Sweet Valley High remake.  Good idea or great idea?</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/419810296http://www.juliekraut.com/post/419810296Mon, 01 Mar 2010 08:02:00 -0500<a href="http://crushable.com/other-stuff/crushable-questionnaire-julie-kraut/">Check out my Crushable Questionnaire with the lovelies at Crushable.com.</a>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/413346571http://www.juliekraut.com/post/413346571Fri, 26 Feb 2010 09:52:00 -0500<p>Are you ever out to drinks and even though you’re driving that night, you have one because it’s going to be a long night and a beer at 7 pm isn’t going to affect your driving at 11 pm and then you’re inexplicably really drunk from one beer and everyone decides to go home early and suddenly you’re the girl sitting in a 92 Toyota Camry for an hour eating an Italian cold cut sub, waiting to sober up?</p> <p>Yeah, me neither.</p> <p>I drive a 91 Camry.</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/413207394http://www.juliekraut.com/post/413207394Fri, 26 Feb 2010 07:59:21 -0500<p>Wait, FarmVille costs real money to play?  Holy crap, those status updates just got impossibly annoyinger.</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/411125338http://www.juliekraut.com/post/411125338Thu, 25 Feb 2010 08:22:59 -0500<p>I’m not really great at cleaning.  And by “not really great,” I mean plain old lazy.  If there’s a spot on something, I’ll normally spritz it with water, rub it once or twice, and if it doesn’t come out, shrug and decide that it’s a stain I’m just going to have to live with.  Because of this defeatist cleaning attitude, I have a lot of unwearable stained clothing and my Ikea furniture looked camoflauge when I was done with it.</p> <p>Yesterday, I went through my typical cleaning thought process and right after I came to the “I give up, stains add character” step, I realized I was trying to remove pasta sauce that had somehow landed on my cheek and maybe I should try a little harder this one time.</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/409012924http://www.juliekraut.com/post/409012924Wed, 24 Feb 2010 07:59:21 -0500<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kyap91hrXo1qzrn5wo1_r1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I got 99 problems and just about everything is one.</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/406935218http://www.juliekraut.com/post/406935218Tue, 23 Feb 2010 07:55:00 -0500<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ky8ubxge6w1qzrn5wo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>One of my best friends just became an aunt!</p> <p>Sending her this e-card with a message of “Can’t wait till your nephew hits puberty and I make unseemly comments about how hot he is!” was the appropriate gesture, right?  Or should I have gotten her something else?  People should register for this kind of life event.</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/404841039http://www.juliekraut.com/post/404841039Mon, 22 Feb 2010 07:50:21 -0500<p>I’ve started writing for the new site Crushable.com.  My first piece is up…An interview with the hilarious Elaine Carroll of VeryMaryKate.com.</p> <p><a href="http://crushable.com/other-stuff/anonymous-celeb-elaine-carroll/" target="_blank">Check it out!</a></p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/399033339http://www.juliekraut.com/post/399033339Fri, 19 Feb 2010 14:55:00 -0500<p>Me:  Sorry I’m so tired.  I was up way late last night.  Big night.  <br/>Her:  Oh really?  What did you do?  <br/>Me:  I was just up until like 11:15 watching weird stuff on the Internet.  <br/>Her:  …</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/398506111http://www.juliekraut.com/post/398506111Fri, 19 Feb 2010 07:56:00 -0500<p>There’s nothing like the panic of spending a weekend away where you eat kind of badly and stepping on the scale and have it read “ERROR.”  You have a digital scale, so that means that you need to weigh more than 999.99 pounds to make it malfunction like that.  You might yell out, “It was just a bag of Hint of Lime Tostitos and a few brownies…and maybe a Cadbury egg, which barely counts as a treat because it’s kind of mandatory to eat as many of those as you can while they’re in stores!  That’s not 800-something pounds worth of food, is it?”  And then, right before the tears come, you realize that you didn’t wait long enough when you tapped the scale before standing on it and you do it again, right time time.  You’ve never been happier about gaining .7 pounds in your life.</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/396539996http://www.juliekraut.com/post/396539996Thu, 18 Feb 2010 07:58:00 -0500<p>Hey DC.  I’ll be at SpeakeasyDC tonight.  Come on out!<br/><br/>Wednesday, February 17th, 2010, doors open at 6:30pm, show starts at 8pm.<br/>SpeakeasyDC Storytelling<br/>Town Danceboutique<br/>2009 8th St, NW<br/>Washington, DC<br/>speakeasydc.com<br/>$10 cash at door</p>http://www.juliekraut.com/post/394936369http://www.juliekraut.com/post/394936369Wed, 17 Feb 2010 12:18:00 -0500<p>If a commercial involves a guy looking into the camera and saying “bottom line” or “end of story,” I’m not buying the product.  No matter what.  It could be chocolate covered puppies.  I’m not interested.</p> <!--EndFragment--> <!--EndFragment-->http://www.juliekraut.com/post/394652441http://www.juliekraut.com/post/394652441Wed, 17 Feb 2010 08:14:35 -0500